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You are not your feelings

It isn’t easy to be aware of our emotions, especially the negative ones. When we feel them churn up, we want to control them, tamp them back down and make them go away. This is the wrong approach. We need to be aware of them, befriend them, allow them to flow naturally through us. However, we cannot allow them to define us.

Imagine a fish tank with a layer of mud at the bottom. If you agitate the water, the mud churns up and swirls around. To get the mud to settle, do you plunge your hands into the water and try to push it back down to the bottom of the tank? Of course not. Left alone, the mud will settle back on the bottom where it belongs all on its own.

Negative emotions are the mud in your mind. They have many names: anger, disappointment, jealousy, hatred. But these are just words, and they aren’t very helpful. Instead of focusing on the labels, focus on the energy that’s behind those emotions and try to figure out where it’s coming from. In time, that energy changes. It ebbs and flows until, sooner or later, it’s replaced by something else. Don’t try to assign it a value. Just simply be aware of the energy without any judgment.

When you’re feeling low, take just three minutes to sit quietly with your feelings. Simply observe them without trying to change them or assign a value to them. You’ll soon feel the energy behind those feelings changing. You can’t control your feelings any more than you can control the weather. Even the worst storm eventually passes.

In the same way, you are not defined by your feelings any more than the sky is defined by a thunderstorm. You are the conscious being who is aware of these emotions, who sees them approach and inevitably disappear.

Once we see how our emotional energy changes, we can realize that change is inevitable in all things. Just think about all of the things you cared about the most when you were a child. Now think about what you care about today. We change without even realizing it. Change is neither good nor bad. It just is.

Unfortunately, most people live their lives resisting change and the way things are. When we resist, we’re constantly trying to adjust ourselves to fit the world. But if we simply accept the way things are, we can relax. Let the world change. You can’t stop it. You can only be a part of it.

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